Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Grief is more than nothing.

You made me so sleepy.
You made my eyelids heavy and my head thick and my face hot.
You made me hungry.
You made me get sick in the bathroom at work.

And then you were gone and I wanted those things back.

I have nothing of you and I never really did.
You didn't have a name.
You were not big enough to change my body so that anyone else could see.
It was only me who felt you move.

The only proof of you I have is that I was never the same after losing you.

And all there is now is the sadness that comes at this time each year and the fear that one day I won't even have that.
I will have nothing of you. I will have nothing of you.

I promised not to get over you. I still promise.

3 comments:

Winston said...

I made that same promise to someone once, long ago. I think this conversation should continue over drinks...

Ada Saab said...

I have the same promise to someone. It's hard to know that I'll always feel this way and that nothing will make it fade away. Yet, it's also comforting.

Nola Meme said...

It's hard isn't it? I think about it too-- that time. I have such a strong memory of it that I can almost smell it, taste it.

Grief is more than nothing.

I know it's not the same for me as it is for you, but I remember. And I am still sad with you.